To My Son

In a few short hours it will be your 10th birthday. 10 years old! Wow! March 24, 2002 was the day my life changed. I never knew how much I could possibly love anyone until you were born and I held you in my arms. You are one of the lights of my life; without you I would not be who I am today. I know you're getting older and you don't like your mom to get all mushy with you, especially in public, but I love you. You are and will always be my little boy, even though height-wise you'll probably pass me in another year. Don't ever forget, doubt, or question my love for you. All that I do and all that I am is because of you.

Clean House?

A male FB friend posted this a few days ago: If your house is dirty don't blame your kids. I know women with multiple kids, a husband that doesn't help pick up, all sorts of animals, in a full time job and they keep a spotless home. If your house isnt very clean that's because it's not that important to you, guess what that's okay just don't blame someone else.

Now I know (or I hope) this wasn't directed personally at me, but rather a general statement, but I still took offense to it. Firstly, my house isn't spotless but it's not a pigsty either. Secondly, I do blame my kids and my husband. I'm sorry but there are four of us that live here; therefore, four of us should claim responsibility when the house is messy. I don't remember my marriage vows saying "to love, honor, cherish and pick up after because you don't think you should have to put your dirty dishes in the dishwasher or your dirty clothese in the hamper." And I'm certainly not going to teach my children that it's okay to take out every single toy, book or article of clothing you have and not clean it up afterwards. I have been known, especially lately, since the kids are getting older, to let the dirty clothes lay where they've been tossed. The other day my son came to me and said "I don't have any clean socks." "Gee, dear," I responded, "the laundry is all done, folded and your clean clothes placed on your bed for you to put away." "I checked there already. I don't have any!" "Really? That's strange. Did you check under your bed, the sofa, tucked in the cushions, or just laying on the living room floor?" "But you said you did the laundry?" "I did. I took all the laundry out of the hampers and sorted them, washed them, dried them, folded them, and put them on everyone's beds to put away. Do you think it's fair that I would also have to make sure that everyone else put their clothes in their hampers, especially when it's not my own clothes?" "No, mom." So yes - I do blame my family at least partially for the condition the house is in sometimes. Thirdly, I do realize that there are women out there that don't work and their homes are so dirty I wouldn't step foot in them, but I don't agree with the comment that it's not important to me. There are priorities, especially when you do work full-time and have kids; sometimes housework takes a lower priority. That does not in any way mean having a clean house isn't important to me, just at that moment it's not as important as helping my kids do their homework, or making sure that contract gets out that my husband needs done, or that the bills get paid and the checkbook balanced. Finally, and probably the thing that offended me the most, was the person that made the comment. It really ticks me off when someone that has never, ever lived anything close to my life - working full-time, kids running in all different directions, and a spouse that's equally busy - makes such a generalization. If there is such a women out there that works full-time, manages kids, a spouse, and a house full of animals, and her house is spotless (without any outside help - which includes another family member, nanny, mothers-helper, etc!), then I will think I died and went to heaven.

Story behind Wordless Wednesday

Yesterday's Wordless Wednesday picture was the scene out my backdoor on October 31, 2011. So far this Winter in Connecticut, which officially began on December 21st, snow fall totals have been nominal - we're talking maybe 2 inches at the most and it melts almost the same day.

Wordless Wednesday

Another "New" Start?

I feel like I'm constantly trying to re-invent myself. I know the logical reasoning behind this - the kids are now in school full-time and I'm trying to get back into the workforce - without any luck I might add. For the last 2 years I thought teaching was the way to go for me. I took some classes, even applied to a graduate program in the hopes of earning my teaching certification from the state. Even though I did get accepted into the graduate program, I learned that I would have to take 9 undergrad courses before I could be officially begin the teaching program. UGH! 9 classes - going part-time that would be another 1 1/2 - 2 years before I began than another 2 years for the teaching program. I would be 45 before I could even think about having my certficate. Who's going to hire a 45 year old, first time teacher, over a young, energetic, wide-eyed one?
So then I tried to get into substituting. Everyone said with my background I could do substituting on a regular basis and make a decent living. Um, yeah. I signed up with the service that handles the substitutes for a couple of towns around me and after 2 months got 1 call to substitute. That's not going to help pay the bills.
So now I'm back on the kick of finding a traditional office-type of job. Something stable with job security, a decent wage, good distance from home/school for the kids, and some flexibility. Within the first week of the new year, I thought I was on the right track. I had one offer (for title searching) that was extremely flexible so I could work around the kids' school schedule and was a decent pay. The only downfalls are the driving (wear and tear on my car) and getting paid once a month. Oh, and have I mentioned, I've made 3 attempts to get the training I need and 3 times been blown off by the owner. (It's not that I need training per se, but the owner carries the insurance for everyone so she wants to sit with everyone for the first search or two.)
Within the same week of getting the title searching offer, I got asked to interview for an assistant town clerk position, which I did. I'm still waiting to hear back about this one. For those of you that don't live in CT, we don't have a county form of government so each and every town has it's own land records. This is one of the big components of the town clerk. So similar to the county clerks in other states, the town clerks also coordinate various town and board meetings, assist with elections, provide notary public services, distribute hunting/fishing/dog licenses. This job would be perfect for me. It's close to home, great hours!, good pay, and most of all I like the woman who's taking over the town clerk position. In fact, she's the one that told me about the job and encouraged me to apply. God I want this job! (I hear the song from Chorus Line in my head everytime I say that.)
I know it's only the 3rd week into the new year, and 2 weeks after my interviews for these positions but after having been looking for a job since August, I'm really getting frustrating and losing my patience, as well as a little bit of faith in myself. I know I have a good work ethic, know a variety of computer programs (and am not afraid to learn more). I may have taken time off to be with my kids, but that should be an asset not a hinderance. I'm tired of getting the same old "we chose a candidate better suited for the position" letter. I'm not applying to be a rocket scientest folks! And I don't want a job like I had before the kids - working 50+ hours a week, demanding, travel for work, etc. I would be quite content with being a legal secretary / administrative assistant again. I just need someone to give me a chance.

A Prayer of Remembrance

This prayer was composed by a Navy Chaplain a year after the 9/11 attacks.

Almight God, the past year will be indelibly inscribed in our memories.

We looked with horror on the terrorist attacks of last September 11th.

But we looked with honor on acts of courage by ordinary people

who sacrificed themselves to prevent further death and destruction.

We shed our tears in a common bond of grief for those we loved and lost.

We journeyed through a dark valley, but your light has led us to a place of hope.

You have turned our grief into determination.

We are resolved to do what is good, and right, and just.

Help us to remember what it means to be Americans -

a people endowed with abundant blessings.

Help us to cherish the freedoms we enjoy and inspire us to stand

with courage, united as one Nation in the midst of any adversity.

Lord, hear this prayer for our Nation. Amen.

Same Old Same Old

I feel like I'm in a rut. Every week is like the one before. Money's still tight. The kids still fight with me and each other. I still spend every day picking up after everyone else, feeling like I never have the time to pursue other activities - like freelance work, finalizing school applications, or just some "me" time.
The same old issues between my husband and I are still there. Maybe they'll never go away; maybe they won't be resolved until I'm able to contribute financially again; maybe they won't be resolved until the kids are grown and have left the nest. The same weight that I lost last year is half way back. There are still unresolved issues with our housing situation. Another year - same old issues.
Only now I have the added worry of my son's weight / health struggles. He's 9 years old, 53" tall and weighs 103 pounds. We already know that he has borderline high cholesterol. We've spoken with a nutrionist already who's basically told me I'm doing everything right. The only 2 suggestions/recommendations she had was increase water intake and don't let him snack after school in front of the tv. How can I help him with his weight issues when I can't resolve my own?
I don't know what to do any more about anything.